‘Tis a very sad but obviously true tale. I also now know why dogs can’t have chocolate.
/hattip: Atheist Movies
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The “church” of scientology is launching a new media blitz, with the strapline of “know yourself, know life”.
Here’s the first one, entitled “Search”:
The other two are equally as vapid, and tell you absolutely nothing whatsoever. Except that you’re special, but you’d be more special if you only licked Tom Cruise’s arse joined their cult “religion”.
As usual, they don’t mention anywhere in the adverts how much acquiring this “knowledge” of yourself or your life will cost you, but we already know a ballpark figure. Hint: it’s in the tens of thousands of dollars/pounds/euros (or a comparable sum in your local currency), paid directly into their corporate coffers through your nose.
Ouch. Sounds painful, doesn’t it?
They also allow neither ratings nor comments on the YouTube hosted videos. And I already know that you’re not at all surprised by this.
The advert spots are worth watching if only to see what a multi-million dollar campaign will get you.
In a word, fuck-all.
Of course, any post related to scientology wouldn’t be complete without links to Operation Clambake and What’s The Harm? I would have included one to Why Are They Dead? but the site appears to be a defunct spam magnet.
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/hattip: The Atheist Mind
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One of the things that has always confused me is the actual differences between the major sub-flavours of christianity. Sure, I was aware of the various labels and that they had some kind of meaning, but could never quite understand the (ahem) nuances of each sect’s special (and obviously perfect) interpretation of their magic book (or version of it, if they differ in that too).
Thankfully, using the metaphor of Kissing Hank’s Ass, some enterprising soul has kindly distilled the differences down so that people like me, who really don’t give a flying fuck what colour armband these people wear, can see them for what they are.
I feel should have read this a long time ago…
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In a truly bizarre and ass-backwards world, I can imagine a crazy scenario where insane jews would be able to sue the company that maintains their holiday property if they install automatic motion-detector light systems… no, wait…
From the “You can’t make this shit up (unless you’re a religious nutter)” department:
A couple have taken legal action after claiming motion sensors installed at their holiday flat in Dorset breached their rights as Orthodox Jews.
Gordon and Dena Coleman said they cannot leave or enter their Bournemouth flat on the Sabbath because the hallway sensors automatically switch on lights.
The couple’s religious code bans lights and other electrical equipment being switched on during Jewish holidays.
They have now issued a county court writ claiming religious discrimination.
They also claim breach of their rights under the Equality Act 2006 and Human Rights Act 1998 and the case is due to be heard at Bournemouth County Court next month.
The light sensors were installed at Embassy Court in Gervis Road to save money and energy but the couple, who live in Hertfordshire, felt they breached their religious rules.
The Stupid, It Burns brightly (and comes on automatically) for these wingnuts.
Full article over at the BBC: Light sensors cause religious row.
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Apparently this blog has been chosen (with 60 others) for an award: the “Holy Blasphemy BEST Atheist/Skeptic (sic) Site Award 2009″.
The donor of same doesn’t consider themselves an “Atheist” (sic) but does believe in astrology and the power of gemstones
.
I wonder how they feel qualified to judge sceptical or atheist web sites when they say things like:
I like talking to myself in the dark; hey, if these things are comforting to me, it would be irrational not to do them simply because they aren’t proven to ‘be effective’ (if it works for me…it’s effective.)
*boggle*
I wonder what the author makes of anti-wimmin astrological Moon-rape.
Edit: I realised that I didn’t link back to the original post. Mea culpa.
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I am indeed blessed!
Let me recount to you the circumstances of my blessing from Her Holy Hoofedness, the Invisible Pink Unicorn herself:
I was sitting down today to my lunch and, not-very-well hidden within my salad, I saw a slice of onion.
Now, this was no ordinary piece of onion: it was a slice of red onion in the shape of a horseshoe (or, more precisely, in the shape of a unicornshoe, horses and unicorns being of the same “kind”). Of course, being a red onion, it’s not actually “red” at all, it’s more purply-pink on the outside, and it’s also translucent on the inside!
This red onion, being merely a macroscale physical manifestation of the properties of Her Holy Hoofedness, is made of atoms therefore it can’t actually be invisible per se, but the property of translucence is close enough to invisible to count, or so I say.
So, let us recap:
But, wait, there’s more!
Everyone knows that if you hold your nose when eating an onion, and if you have your eyes closed (which renders everything “invisible”!), it’s indistinguishable from eating an apple and, again as we all know, horses (and unicorns) love apples!
Let’s add that to the list:
How can anyone be sceptical of such a sign? Just a coïncidence? I think not!
Of course, I can’t expect you to believe me just because I say so, that’s no basis for claiming that I’m blessed: I need to show you evidence! And lo, I just happened to have my cameraphone with me, and I captured the evidence in digital photographic form. None of that wishy-washy “it kinda looks, if you squint enough, like Jesus/Mary/one of the bajillion names of Allah that otherwise looks like a squiggle” on a slice of toast/a window/inside a potato crap here, this is the real deal! Look!
My Red Onion blessing from the Invisible Pink Unicorn
Take that, you sceptics!
Sadly, the camera fails to capture the complete majesty of my blessing, but that’s because we have to rely on silly limited concepts like “science” and “technology” for cameras to work.
So, seeing as I’ve been blessed by Her Holy Hoofedness the Invisible Pink Unicorn, I can only come to the conclusion that I have been chosen, for reasons known only to Herself, as Her latest prophet, and have had a revelation of what She expects of us puny, mortal humans.
My revelation is this: you must eat red onions with every lunchtime meal, and only red onions. No other member of the Allium genus are allowed to be consumed at lunchtime. Even chives. In fact, especially chives (because they’re green and thin and neither pink nor invisible).
Red Onions now must also be capitalised because it is now Holy Food.
It hasn’t yet been revealed to me whether having a mint after eating Red Onions is permitted, prohibited, condoned, demanded, or even if Her Holy Hoofedness cares if we eat mints. Until I (or another of Her Prophets) receive such a revelation, one can only assume that She is pondering this and will let us know when She comes to Her decision.
I await further personal revelations from Her Holy Hoofedness with bated onion-y breathe.
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It’s a scary place, but I’ll let the images speak for themselves.
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