9. Stop calling people names, unless they’re being really retarded.
8. Spend more time talking with friends and family in a condescending tone.
7. Get out of debt by killing whoever this “Sallie Mae” person is.
6. Learn something new every week, even though I know everything.
5. Stop huffing paint, for real this time.
4. Volunteer at the local SPCA as a euthanizer.
3. Stop using words like “nigger” and “faggot” to shock people, only to make a point.
2. Travel less.
1. Go to the gym and criticize people there for being vain.
